Go With Your Palate
Joe Wagner, 5th Generation Winemaker, presents the podcast "Go With Your Palate." A podcast about wine, entrepreneurship, and whatever the F else. So buckle up - this isn't your normal wine podcast.
Go With Your Palate
E96 Jaydi Samuels Kuba pt 2 | Joe Wagner
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Is modern dating broken... or are we just doing it wrong?
Hollywood matchmaker Jaydi Samuels Kuba joins us to break down dating apps, attraction psychology, relationship red flags, and the surprising story of how one of her clients became her husband.
This one might change how you think about love.
🎙️ Go With Your Palate: Jaydi Samuels Kuba | Modern Matchmaking, Dating Disasters & Finding Your Last First Date
This week, we’re joined by Jaydi Samuels Kuba—founder of Match Made in Hollywood (@matchmadeinhollywood), author of Your Last First Date: Secrets from a Hollywood Matchmaker, podcast host, TV writer, proud mama, and relationship strategist helping successful people navigate the wild world of modern dating.
In a world where swipes, algorithms, and endless options often seem to be replacing genuine human connection, Jaydi has built a career helping people cut through the noise and find what they're actually looking for. We dive into dating psychology, compatibility, emotional intelligence, and the biggest mistakes both men and women make when searching for lasting relationships. She also pulls back the curtain on her matchmaking process—how she evaluates compatibility, identifies blind spots, and helps clients look beyond the checklists that may be keeping them from finding the right person.
We also explore how technology, social media, and dating apps have transformed romance—and what modern singles can learn about attraction, communication, and looking beyond their own preconceived judgments. Sometimes the perfect match isn't who you expected at all.
And because this is Go With Your Palate, we don't stop at relationship theory. We get into dating red flags, green flags, first-date chemistry, wine-fueled conversations, and one of the best real-life plot twists you'll ever hear: how one of Jaydi's matchmaking clients eventually became her husband—our previous guest, reality TV pioneer, creative executive, and producer Dave Kuba. It's the kind of story that sounds like it was written for television... except it actually happened.
Whether you're happily partnered, actively dating, or simply fascinated by human behavior, this episode is packed with insight, laughs, and a fresh perspective on what it means to truly connect in today's world.
Grab a glass, open your mind, and maybe rethink what you're looking for. 🍷❤️✨
📍 Follow Jaydi: @matchmadeinhollywood
📍 Learn more: www.LJMATCHMAKING.com
Welcome back to a little preview on Wet Your Palette. We have another special guest coming up on Go With Your Palette. We've got JD Samuels Kuba. She is a matchmaker out in uh Hollywood, Southern California, LA. And uh she's got some great insights. It was just a blast to talk to her, talking about some of the trends that have come and gone, people talking about gaslighting, narcissism, love bombing, shrekking, and how those things have come gone, and there's new shit coming around the corner. But man, yeah, it was it was just a great conversation about what she's seeing in the dating world, how she helps couples get find each other, right? I mean, it was yeah.
SPEAKER_01I just want to say that Joe and I are blessed to have uh found love in our lives, but damn, it would have been great to have a JD around while we're out there in this busy world, man.
SPEAKER_00If if you don't have time or you you've had you know some some shots and misses and you don't like it, there are people out there to help you that are way better than the dating apps. And uh JD is just one of them. She she and her business partner. Great stories, great advice. Listen to the podcast, you're gonna love it. You know, contact them if you're looking for a little bit of uh help.
SPEAKER_01There's all three lovely singles out there, so tune in and get the test.
SPEAKER_00Is that kind of more the common approach?
SPEAKER_04Okay, so I actually I have to spend a little time discussing this because I used to give
Inside a Successful Hollywood Matchmaker Database
SPEAKER_04a very canned response. And it seems that I I posted a clip answering this very question recently um from a podcast I was on over the weekend. They were I released some clips from it. It upset a lot of people. It has like a quarter of a million views, and people are chiming in about my business model and saying insane things about like it's turned into. I want to be respectful and not refer to it as the incel community, but I feel like they call themselves that. So I guess that's okay. Yeah, I mean, but like it has incurred the wrath of that community, my business model, which is so interesting and I would love your perspective on as two men.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um not from that community.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, right. I men not from that community. I don't typically charge. We have two um tiers for men. We have a tier that is a very reasonable annual fee that allows you to allow us to consider every basically every woman we've ever met for you, right? Like whether they're actively paying us to be in their database now, or maybe we set them up five years ago, but they didn't renew, but they're single, right? It allows us to consider the whole pool, or we have a complimentary tier for straight guys, where if you um want to get set up, we treat you as a paying client and we find a mutual match for you. And the reason that we have women, and it's still a nominal fee on the female side as well, but the reason that we have women pay and men don't, the canned response I always gave, which is the truth, is that I started charging both sets, um, both genders, um, equally. I'm a feminist, I think everyone should pay the same amount for the same service. However, I'm also a realist and I want to make good matches. And what I discovered doing that is that women were like, yeah, it's hard out there. I'm happy to pay a nominal fee, basically the equivalent of a year of online dating, to have you set me up over the course of six months to a year to help find my guy. It's hard out there. The guys, the second I started charging, were like the the really great catches, right? Like the ones that the women were actively seeking, didn't feel like they wanted to pay for a service when they could just find someone on their own in their minds. And so I was getting amazing women, and the guys I was getting, they were also amazing, but weren't necessarily as a whole the kind of women, the kind of men that the women that um were my clients were looking for. And so I was making a lower percentage of matches, and to increase the success, I decided, you know what, let me test something out. I'm not gonna charge the guys. Realistically, like a lot of them are gentlemen, they're paying for the dates anyway. So women will pay me, guys will pay on the dates, and everyone's getting something out of it, and I can make mutual matches, and our success rates skyrocketed. So I talked about this much more briefly on this podcast, and all these guys came forward and they were like they were upset because they felt like it was one more way for the top 1% of men to get all the women, and once again they're being shut out of the process, essentially. Um, and so if you go to my Instagram account, it's like there is one video where people are just going at it. Um, and I'm very selectively chiming in.
unknownSo this is great.
SPEAKER_04Now I could expand upon it. Um, I want to help everyone, and that that's the sad thing, is like they think they're sort of targeting maybe. I I get their frustrations, it's kind of coming out sideways. But like, I if someone's a quality person and they're looking for something serious, I'm here to help, you know. Like, I don't um do I have a huge database of good-looking, successful gentlemen? Absolutely. Is every single person in my database fitting that description? Not necessarily and not in the traditional sense, but they're all really good people. And that's what I want to do. I want to match really good people. And so um just to set the record straight, that is my business model, that's how it came about, and that's where I stand on it today.
SPEAKER_00Look, I don't I don't think that there's a concern with the the 1% of like the top performing, you know, men aesthetically, business-wise, whatever. This doesn't create another avenue for them to find the the best catches, right? I think that your approach, it's not at all what I expected, but I neither is it for me. Yeah, but I think that it is the right approach, and and I think that it actually says a lot more about how shitty, like, you know, whatever open field dating is. Like where if for as a woman, like you're you know, going out and you're like, it everybody just wants the hookup. Where's my pool of men that are looking to do something more than just you know a quick hookup, maybe a little bit of fun, but nothing serious? So like, yeah, you're drawing in, you're drawing in the right crowds for the right purposes with the right motivations. And that that all makes perfect sense to me. So whoever these douchebags are that are worried about it, maybe they should, you know, get rid of their fancy pants watch and going out at the clubs every night and buying bottle service and trying to bang bottle rats because that's not how you're gonna find a good idea.
SPEAKER_01You'll find Joe's comment if you scroll uh today, and scroll down, take a look, you'll know it's him. It won't be uh I don't think it won't be his handle if he's got his sidewalk for that. Uh but yeah, I I I I want time in too. I'm pleasantly actually surprised by your business model. And this is this is why, because in past experience um with like dating online and girlfriends that I knew at the time that were dating online, they would always kind of be like, I've sent one message and my inbox is 9,998. I have to go through of men that have reached out to me. What about you? And you're like, I have 9,900 messages out, you know, sent. And uh yeah, I got uh I got a welcome message in my inbox from the dating site, you know what I mean? And so, but like the the whole point of that is, and it you know, it wasn't really like that, but it was like there was this huge pool, like like women were just kind of like, there's this guy, there it's just I I I can't even keep up. I think you know it was just kind of like turn into this game. They they were just, and we kind of talked about this uh before about changing the behavior of just kind of waiting. And uh and that this was kind of this was way back too. This was kind of like gum old and this was kind of in the beginning of the of the dating sites and stuff. But uh what I like about this though too is it kind of incorporates what I think Joe and I have grown up with, chivalry and kind of like this idea that I think we've always, when we were in the dating world, we were always thinking, we're gonna go on a first date, we're gonna pay for that date, you know, it's just it's just kind of a thing we do, and that's the way we were raised and stuff. And uh I think the way that you have it set up is kind of cool because it's like in a way it kind of like instills that you know that politeness and stuff that I like about it and that you know, chivalry and and whatnot, and they're gonna pay for the date. And then, you know, then you have the women that are kind of you know really serious about meeting the right person. And so they've kind of opted in their self with you know, paying their annual fee. And I think you're just like bringing people together. And at the at the end of the day, dude, this is America, dude. Like you're doing good, honest business.
SPEAKER_02How about we let you do your business yourself? Like it's like if you guys have a problem with it, I don't know. I would just tell the other people in the comments, like, dude, go go somewhere else then. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like why are we?
SPEAKER_04I've been chiming it. I mean, it's gotten off the rails. Like people are like ref comparing it to prostitution. I'm like, this is this is not really this demographic of not the right demographic of people that I would be matching, you know. But um, but yeah, it's um I would say as a whole, there's a lot of
The Struggle is real on both sides (Men and Women)
SPEAKER_04vitriol these days for the other side. Women think men have it so easy. Men think women have it so easy. And the reality is, as someone who coaches both, and I think it's a I there's so many people that we match and coach at our business. Like I think it's a fairly good microcosm for, you know, at least in the United States, of what dating is like. The struggle is very real on both sides. It's just they're dealing with different circumstances. I do empathize with a lot of the men that are struggling. Um, I empathize with both, to be clear, but just to start with the men, I empathize with the men who are struggling because I think there's a lot of denial um about the way they're feeling right now, which is kind of what you're speaking to, right? There is this law of hypergamy that applies to online dating and also in real life dating, where most women are interested in a certain pool of guy, and the rest of the guys are going unnoticed in those environments. Um and I think that that is kind of accurate um in terms of what's happening in the real world, where, and there's so many reasons for it, and you could do a whole episode just on this, but you know, with the way things are these days, where women are crushing it in the workforce, we're able to support ourselves, right? There's not much that we can't do. There really isn't anything we can't do on our own, um, aside from maybe having babies. Um now women are wanting a partner that is the same or equal to whatever their situation is that they are in. But there are fewer men that that applies to because now women are half the workforce. Um, and so the average guy, and this is a Scott Galloway quote, I'm a big fan of his, but I think he got it right when he said that for the average man, it's
Dating Hardships: Men difficulties demonstrating excellence/Women not settling
SPEAKER_04harder to demonstrate excellence as opposed to back in the day, the average man was very impressive. He'd come home with the money, you know, take care of the family. Um, and this is not to say that your average or anyone else out there listening is the average guy, but just like the average guy is having a very hard time because he does not have as many avenues now to demonstrate his excellence. And so, because of that, women are now all going for guys in a certain pool. And there is a huge trend of like, if I can't get that, I would rather be single. And that never used to be the case, right? And so there's all these empowerment movements. You see these communities of women living together, raising their children in communes, like on their own. There was just this big um article of women doing this in an apartment in New York. They have like a bunch of family, like women living together with their children. Like it's wonderful that that exists, right? But they're choosing to kind of go at life alone rather than what they view as settling for the subpar man. So that's that's hard. That's a hard thing, like you know, for men to be out there dating with uh that context. Now, for women, it's also really hard because you want a partner who matches you, you know, in in various regards. And I always say someone's not picky if they're asking for something that they themselves bring to the table. And most women I work with are like successful, for the most part, women that worked really hard to get to where they're at and they're looking for a guy who can match them in that department. Now, do I agree with that? Not necessarily. I think that people can be equal in different ways, right? You see all the time this person is really good looking and this person makes all the money, right? Like that's sort of the traditional dynamic. But someone could just be like incredible, like they could have the biggest heart, right? They could be the best dad, um, the best XYZ, fill in the blank, right? And even though it's not matching what the woman brings to the table in this area, they're getting outshine in this other. And so it's all about striking a balance, but there's just we're not hearing the other side these days. And so it's just leaving a lot of people feeling really jaded and dissatisfied. And it is creating some of these more niche communities of people spewing like that same video, like people are like women are evil, and all these. Um again, I know like I don't want to give that much airtime to um, you know, people that are obviously like for the most part really misguided and yeah, like just hurting and all of that, but it's like the hurt on both sides is coming from very real places. And I care about everyone finding love, and it's just hard for me to see. And I just think we need to, as a society, like all give each other some grace and see the good in each other and start looking for what's right in the person sitting across from you on a date rather than how can I best this quality like next and just you know, swipe on to the next date.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, almost like you want you want to fill each other's voids in a way, and then uplift the positives. Yeah, there's not enough of that, I think. I do agree with that. Um and I I am curious about like the on the the side of is this all referral-based for you?
SPEAKER_04So my company on the match, the matchmaking arm of the company is referral, but I do date coaching internationally. So that's not something anyone needs a referral for for matchmaking, just so I could sleep at night and I know like I set someone up on a date and someone's not gonna, you know, get sexually assaulted or something, knock on everything in my house right now. Um, you know, having someone that can vouch for you really does go a long way to making me at least feel more comfortable that my clients are in good hands.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that's very important. I figured there was something there, and and because and and part of that follow-up to that would be um if you know if there was a guy who is kind of more of a serial dater and went through, you know, five, six dates and didn't have a great experience from the woman's perspective, uh, is there a point at which you cut off and you're just like, look, this isn't the right fit, and uh our our services aren't really the right fit for what we're trying to find for the woman on the other side of the aisle?
SPEAKER_04I don't think I would cut them off for that reason. Like we just had a marriage um this past year between two people where it was her first setup through us and his 12th, I want to say. Um, it was over the course of different years, and he had dated on his own and come back. Um we set him up like 12 times. We really like he was pretty open. Um, that was another case of a guy that was just like very open, um, but also in some ways, specific in a way that we didn't quite have what he was looking for until she walked through the door and we were like, oh, this is what it is, right? And so it's not his fault that his wife wasn't in our database. We took our best swings. You never know. We never will knowingly set someone up if we know it's not a match. But if we're not sure, we might make that introduction because we don't want to accidentally overlook someone who could be your future husband or wife. So he was very gracious. Like he went on, you know, 11 different dates before he met her, some more than one date. You know, if someone's really like trying and they're not overlooking people for egregious reasons and they're being a gentleman, you know, when they're going out, I'm not gonna say like, oh, you didn't find your wife fast enough. Goodbye. Yeah. Right. If they're sleeping with people every single time and not calling the person back, I might not set them up again, you know.
SPEAKER_00So I think that was the scenario I was referring to.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like if someone's mistreating my clients, you know, I actually love when people hook up on the dates I set them up on just because clearly that means it's going well. But I want people to be respectful. I don't want any ghosting happening. Like, as long as people are treating each other with respect, I'll continue to set you up until I find your person.
SPEAKER_00I like this. And I I mean, I think we should maybe get into uh there's this guy we had on the podcast just recently named Dave. Um he's kind of a big deal.
SPEAKER_01I've got a referral for you. He's really he's a big deal, good-looking guy.
SPEAKER_00Good looking guy, got everything going for him. All the ducks in a row. He's got an amazing wife, though. Reality TV. Yeah, he couldn't talk, he couldn't stop talking about his
Love Story: When a Hollywood Matchmaker meets her Match
SPEAKER_00wife. He loves her.
SPEAKER_04This guy sounds amazing. Tell me more.
SPEAKER_00All right. So so you gotta tell us the story of of uh of how you and Dave met, and now you obviously you're married, you have a family. It's a beautiful story. Yeah. Uh, but we'd love we'd love to hear it from from your words because it's it's quite quite interesting. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Well, actually, I write about it a lot in my book, but uh the abbreviated version is that I he came to the company, he was referred by that woman who, you know, was Shreking. Um we set him up. We set him up on five dates. Um, he was looking for something really specific, and that was not me at all. Um, he wanted someone who, let's see, someone who was not Jewish, which I am, and he is too. Um, but he said it reminded him of his mom, his sister. Like, he wanted someone not Jewish.
unknownI love it.
SPEAKER_04I ideally someone Latina, because he had just uh he spent time in Mexico, like shooting some VH1 show and had a fling with someone in Mexico. And he was like, I want someone like Mexican or Latina, like I like that kind of you know, energy flavor. Like, I like what they bring to the table. Like, I don't know, attraction-wise, he's he has something very specific in mind. Um, and then what else? Someone who enjoys a good cocktail or four. I'm not the biggest drinker. I know it's a little bit ironic because of the podcast that I'm on right now. Um, yeah, like he was looking for someone that just would partake in certain um things with him that just were not things that I naturally gravitated toward, like music festivals. At the time, I had never been to a music festival and he had gone to Coachella seven years in a row. So, you know, we just on paper, it didn't really make that much sense. But I loved meeting him and I thought he was such a catch. And I couldn't wait to introduce him to clients. And so uh he's someone that we set up five different times. I think there was only one person he went on a second date with, or at least was open to a second date. Um, but he was not having it, um, didn't feel like it was mutually like a beneficial process, and but also was self-conscious about it. Like I think he felt like he was doing something wrong and he wanted to apologize. So he sent an email and he was like, Hey, like these women are great, but you know, I don't want you to think that I'm so picky. Like, I swear I'm not that picky. I just want someone, you know, and he like described what he was looking for and he was like, kind of like you, for example. Not that you're not cute because I'm not picky, and he like started rambling, but also like this was not in person, this was an email, so he did not have to hit the sun button or he could. So, like the guy knew what he was doing.
SPEAKER_03Oh, he was nervous, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, sent it to me, fired off the email. At the time I was in Hawaii with my ex-boyfriend, and I remember like I'm like in the hotel room, I read this email, and I felt like probably a way I shouldn't have when you're in a relationship, which is like, ooh, like he thinks I'm cute, you know. Guys will reference myself or my business partner all the time as a comp, just because when you're sitting across two people that are very different, like my business partner is a lot more extroverted than I am. She's blonde, she's bustier, she um there's like certain traits that she and I are. Different. And so sometimes a guy will be like, oh, I'm looking for like, oh, like someone like you, Lauren, or someone like you, JD. So for me, it's very clinical. And I don't look at it as like, oh, they're hitting on me. They're just, we don't know that many people in common. And they're just trying to describe, like, oh, I want someone petite or I want someone Burnett or whatever. So every once in a while, like someone will, you know, reference one of us. And it's just very clinical. And I'm like, cool, got it. When he did it, I felt some kind of way. So I was like, okay, this is very telling. I passed him off to my business partner. I was like, I should not be the one setting this guy up. I'm in a relationship. And so he ended up writing me back saying, Did you pass me off to Lauren? And he got like really, he was like, sorry if like that was weird or whatever. I was like, no, no, no, it's fine. Um, and so anyway, I told you this would be a short story. This is not short at all. Um, I became single a year and a half after that email. And I was thinking about him a lot, and I had never asked out a guy in my life, and I thought, he's not gonna know I'm single. I wasn't advertising, I'm a single matchmaker. And um, also, who's gonna ask out their matchmaker? I was like, if I ever have to ask out a guy, this is that moment. And so I just emailed him and I said, checking in, how's the single life going? He said, I just got back from Coachella for the seventh time. I think I'm finally over it. I'm ready for the next phase of my life, but what does that mean? And I wrote, It means you should take me on a date. So that is how it all happened.
SPEAKER_00That's a great story. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_01I I think that's a real life rom-com, by the way. Yeah, you guys could, you guys could actually. That's for sure. Because a lot of the rom coms start out with people in the wrong relationships, or you know, no offense to anyone else that you're previously with, or in a like not the right times, and then it's just great to see love prevail.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So did you guys go to Coachella together?
SPEAKER_04Believe it or not, we still have not. And so I think between like Beachella. Oh my gosh, and my cousins all just went. We're actually we're doing the plan is to go next year for the first time with all of my cousins. Interestingly, they went for the first time this year, and they were like, I gotta go. Like, we're going every year, you have to come. And I'm like, Dave, you're finally, we're doing it, we're going. Um, yeah, life has just gone in the way. Like, I think when I first met him, he was so over it, he had no interest in going back. And then there was COVID, and then we had a kid, and it's just but yeah, we're gonna go next year.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. I've I've never been. Uh, we have our our bottle rock is our version of uh Coachella up in Wine Country, and yeah, that's that's about to happen here um over more Memorial Day weekend. And uh you don't sound too excited.
SPEAKER_02There's so locals traffic.
SPEAKER_00The people coming in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, as as a local, you're just like, man, I just I'm gonna stay in my house.
SPEAKER_00All I got.
SPEAKER_02No, but we love it. It's business is good.
SPEAKER_00It is good. It brings more people in here, and and you know, and and wine country is a special place. And you know, um what I was going to uh ask is uh well, have you guys been up to Napa before? Have you been up?
SPEAKER_04Um yes, but not for an extended period of time, and definitely would love to spend more time there.
SPEAKER_00Is there so and and kind of correlating your world to wine, how often does wine come up as kind of like a passion
Wine & Dating
SPEAKER_00for whether it's a male or a female, just just a client of yours?
SPEAKER_04I mean, so the same guy this morning that I was doing his intake right before this podcast, it was a deal breaker if the woman didn't drink. And we had the whole conversation of like, just so you know, my husband said the same thing, and I'm not a big drinker. Um, but that being said, he was so open that I was like, let's make this a hard line because I'm thinking of too many women for you. This will help me narrow it down. It comes up a lot, and I really try my best to honor people's requests. I do think that, you know, social drinking is a huge part of people's lifestyles. And so um, that's something that people want to share with their partner. They want to bring their partner into environments where they're gonna be comfortable with their friends that are in those situations. I have clients that are sober that it comes up in that regard too, right? Um, and so on both ends of the spectrum, um, it is something that I ask in an intake questionnaire, and it is something, depending on their answer, that I'll ask follow-ups when we're doing that initial face-to-face to get to know them even better. Um, it's absolutely a part of lifestyle and something that should be considered, you know, when matching two people.
SPEAKER_00And and you get the same thing on like weed smoking, that sort of thing, I assume. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04No, absolutely. And but all these things, um, for the most part, unless someone has a circumstance where, you know, they're sober and it's triggering for them to be around someone who drinks, I will weight it more as a preference than a deal breaker, but I always try to honor people's preferences, right? Unless there's someone exceptional. And so um, when it comes to um drugs, drinking, you know, it's um something that I absolutely factor into people's lifestyles, but it's not like a hard stop. Um, because I have seen it work with couples sometimes where they're not exactly matched in those arenas. Like I would have said if I went to a matchmaker that I wouldn't want a guy, I'm so like straight edge that I wouldn't want a guy who does any drugs at all. Um and you met Dave, uh, not the case.
SPEAKER_02So I think he was a great guy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04He had a wilder, like, you know, for what I would have considered like a wilder past when he and I met. And so, you know, I do think it's more about um people's compatibilities in the present. I think sometimes there's judgments that are wrongly made about people who have differing lifestyles, but as long as they're compatible in the present, I think it's great.
SPEAKER_01No, yeah, I totally totally vibe with that. And I think I think you you make it an excellent point. I think, you know, I think I think it would be unfair to say that that you I feel like you have to, this is personally speaking, that you have to work hard not to carry your baggage into your next relationship with all your judgments and everything like that. And if you're dating again and stuff, and so it's like I think sometimes people can be quick to be like, Well, I I can't be with a drinker. Maybe they had some past experiences with people that were heavy drinkers, but then they like meet someone that like has one drink and they're good. And they're like, Exactly, oh whoa, crazy. And they're like, Yeah, I just don't have you know the need for I just that's kind of what I usually do. I like a little cocktail or or someone that's just like, yeah, I have some glasses of wine, and you know, it's not always turning into some, you know, I'm getting arrested, and you know, I mean the car got impounded and you know, some kind of crazy thing, you know?
SPEAKER_04Like so No, it's true. Like in the in the TV writing world, sometimes you'll get a note from an executive that doesn't like a
What’s the bump behind the bump?
SPEAKER_04joke in a script or whatever, and they'll say, take it out. But it's it's the bump. We always say, like the writing terminology is what's the bump behind the bump? Like, okay, this is bothering you. Why is it bothering you? And so with dating, it's like because you don't necessarily need to take the joke out. Maybe it's the context, like the way the joke is set up, right? I think with dating, it's similar in that, okay, someone's saying that they don't want to meet anyone that drinks, you're like, okay, but but why? Oh, you had a bad experience with someone who was a heavy drinker and they had rage issues when they were drinking or whatever. Well, I know this great guy that drinks socially and is actually like even more fun to be around, you know, and is gonna be, you know, a total gentleman at all times, you know, like it's the drinking is a non-issue. I'm gonna match those people, you know what I mean? Because the bump behind the bump is she doesn't want someone who has rage issues. It's not that she has an issue with drinking specifically, it's someone who abuses it or somebody who has a behavior that comes out because of it. And so I'm always looking to address the bump behind the bump. And so every once in a while, you know, that relates to drinking or drugs or what have you.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think that's something people should carry into their everyday life. What's the bump behind the bump? Ask that question. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_01That's a good one. And I was, I was just to go off that, I was curious. Like, do you have any uh wild stories that kind of pop out at you? I don't know if it could be something to where you match people on a first date, next thing you know, you hear back they went to Vegas
Weird dating story: No Brunettes!
SPEAKER_01and they got married.
SPEAKER_02Like it just was like this like rush of love, or maybe the opposite. She's like, Yeah, good dump into the boat.
SPEAKER_04It could happen. I mean, the closest, the closest I ever had to that was the like 60, 70 year old version of that, where they dated for like several months and got engaged, and then it didn't work out. Like that was the closest to the Vegas story that I've had. In terms of just like weird, wild, what have you, like um one that comes to mind is like, I there's a guy that we don't match him anymore, but there's a guy that we set up a couple times where in the intake he was like, just so you know, I have a mother with mental illness, I cannot go on a date with a brunette. So I guess his mom's a brunette, and anytime that he is with someone in a romantic capacity and she's brunette, it's very triggering for him and reminds him of his mentally ill mother. Like, okay, like a little weird, but like everything else about the sky seemed normal. We're like, we just won't set off with brunettes. Set him up a couple times, went out with some people, but he ended up being single again. And there was someone that we were really excited about for him. She just she was like a light brunette, like almost dirty blonde, but like light brunette, I guess. We set him up on the date. He walked out on the date and left her at the restaurant.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_04We had to stop, we had to stop setting him up, obviously. Um, but that was definitely one of the stranger ones. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02Like he couldn't even like tell her. Like that's like he's got some dirty, dirty blood.
SPEAKER_00Sounds like somebody needs a little therapy.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he was like FU ladies. Like it was like, I guess, like to send a message to Ice. I was like, okay, we're not setting this guy up anymore.
SPEAKER_00So so being in in you know, wine and restaurants and kind of the culture behind
First Dinner Date Tips
SPEAKER_00dining and and all that stuff. Um we were actually talking earlier before the podcast that there may be some correlation with successful dates at certain types of restaurants versus other types of restaurants not being as successful. I'd love to hear your data on this or or your just kind of your synopsis, what you've got, what you've seen, what works, what doesn't, just from your your uh your time doing it. Like a sneak peek, because I know that this is a lot of your books uh is this all is this like supposed to be confidential?
SPEAKER_01No, no, no. I'm still like your book. Like I'm just like you guys gotta just check out the book because there's a lot of good insights on that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's great to say if this is just one little inkling of of all the good insights.
SPEAKER_02We're gonna get to treats. All right, we're gonna be. Yeah, we're we're still in a book right now. I want you to get all this stuff.
SPEAKER_04Thanks for all the the plugs for the book. Um, there are there are literally, he's not wrong, there literally is a chapter in the book where I dedicate to talking about what works and doesn't for like a venue for a date. But this all started because I was really fascinated with um, I don't know if there was an indignance, like an ego bruise where dates weren't working. And I was like, well, it can't be me. It must be the venue. And so I started crunching numbers. I was like, where have I been sending people? I started keeping track. I got really like nerdy about the whole thing. And I kept a log of where I would send people and how many of those dates would translate to second dates. And there were legitimately, like it was very like it couldn't have been, oh, the matches just coincidentally were better. There was like enough at some point data to go watch by that I was like, okay, these places are the places that clearly like they're like panty droppers. You go there and the person is getting another date. And this one, it's like I'm dooming them. They had no chance. Like it's because I sent them to this place. Obviously, I make bad matches sometimes, but overall, when it came to this little study that I conducted, um, there were just undeniable qualities about a venue that now when I set up dates, um, I do try to look for certain things. Parking is so overlooked when it comes to going somewhere on a date. I know this doesn't apply to if you have East Coast listeners like in New York or what have you. In LA, in other parts of the world, parking can be really, really shitty. And so if you are circling a restaurant 900 times or you're shelling out, you know, an exorbitant fee for a valet, you're gonna come into that date with a certain energy. Um, as opposed to somewhere that maybe has complimentary parking or a parking lot or you know, plenty of street parking available, literally changes the energy of people going into the date. So I have to make sure there's good parking when I send someone somewhere. I used to not think about it. Now I weigh that. Um good airflow. I think when the weather is nice, alfresco dining, it just astronomically increases the chance that two people are gonna vibe. Um, just having the right air, like if you're not sweating or you're not cold, like those things really affect energy on a date. It affects your nervous system. Like it's it's literally like a bio, you have a physiological response to the airflow situation. Um, communal dining, I think um, whether that means literally at a communal table or sitting at a bar where other people can hear your conversation, makes people so self-conscious where they're not as forthcoming as they would be sitting at a table somewhere. So I have couples where or I have some people where like their thing is they just they like to keep it casual and they like to grab drinks. So they sit at the bar. But what ends up happening is maybe she would find him cute sitting at a table with him, but now she's like other people are listening, or she thinks they're listening to the conversation. And like, oh, like, but I don't know, maybe that guy that I'm seeing out of the corner of my eye is more attractive, or maybe um I'm getting self-conscious over the fact that they think I'm on a date with this person, but it's not normally someone I would go out with physically. Like, there's just certain factors that people get in their heads about. And I think um, where you're seated plays a huge role in how well a date can go. I think when a place is too empty, that's not great because you again, you feel that um eyes and ears are all on you, like servers are coming to your table more often because they have nothing else to do. Um, but on the flip side, when a place is super noisy or the music's playing too loud, um, so you don't really get a chance to get to know each other. So these are just some examples of factors I take into consideration when I set people up on dates that have had like very, very noticeable results.
SPEAKER_00I like those. I like that those are those are really like broader brush stroke kind of, but really, you know, you could call them detail items, but they really do play a role in, as you said, the energy. And and that is that is something for people to really consider. Because I know a lot of people who are like, yeah, my first date is gonna be a bar, like or at sitting at a bar in a restaurant. I'm like, I've heard plenty of bartenders talk about like, oh yeah, they're on a they're on a first date over there. And you're like, why are you talking to me about that? I don't even know who they are. They're like, oh, dude, some good stories going on.
SPEAKER_04Even like to get granular, it's like sometimes even the type of cuisine or what people are ordering can really affect things too. And I will set people up on dates based on personality sometimes, like in terms of matching them with venues. Um, like toppist food, I think when you're ordering small plates, is great for people that are like overly loquacious. Cool. If you do not have natural breaks in the conversation, and that person feels like, oh my God, here she talked my ear off the entire time. Yeah, the Tapas ordering will save you, right? Um, and same thing if you're if you're really quiet and you run out of things to say, like you will always get to comment on food, and there's like constantly like new little plates coming by. So, you know, it can get as granular as that. But um, but yeah, I think sometimes matchmakers don't take into consideration where they're sending people, and I think that's a mistake.
SPEAKER_01And I would be curious too if there was like, I mean, not to like rig it back to the wine thing, but like there, there I know you could sometimes maybe get like statistics somehow of you know the the oh do you already have one?
SPEAKER_00No, no, I'd love that though. I mean like what kind of wine did you drink?
SPEAKER_01Like yeah, or where people like judge it, you know, like is is rose the first date wine? Is it you know, or is it followed like a cabernet?
SPEAKER_04Is that like a when you when you I love that I I bet there is something there, and I feel like we should team up for some sort of collaborative study.
SPEAKER_00Even just like I mean, I I think wine is such a good conversation starter. Actually, this is so the there's this thing that I was thinking about just last week that that you know we've been talking about kind of how how
Love Potion Number Wine!
SPEAKER_00wine affects culture and dates being one of those elements. Uh there's a pause with wine, right? Like every time you you open a bottle of wine, and generally you're just going to drink that with your food. But the pause is when you get that first pour, you smell it, analyze it, look at it, taste it. And that's really the only time you're truly assessing the wine in general. And then from that point on, you're enjoying it. But that pause moment is like there's something special in that pause moment. And whether that starts a conversation with a date or a conversation at a table of you know, group of friends, uh, that that pause is like there's something there that's special in in the culture of wine that kind of resonates through the culture of humanity.
SPEAKER_04I agree. I I think also just in terms of drinking is like a social lubricant in general. Typically, the dates where there is wine involved, um, you know, I haven't like crunched the numbers, but I could tell you just like knowing how the dates go, like they're usually better. You know, when there's obviously like there's people every once in a while I'll get like, oh, it was excessive. He had like five glasses, whatever. But like the people that just like socially or they're getting a you know, glass or two or sharing a bottle at the table, like the dates are always better. And so um it's the same like when I hear people like hooked up on a first date or whatever. Like, if I hear they shared a bottle of wine, I'm like, these are always good signs that the date went well.
SPEAKER_00There, there's one thing I've talked about on the podcast, so I won't go into the details, but in your free time, look up scrumping
We be“Scrumping”…
SPEAKER_00and how there's have you heard about this? It's not a dance. No, no, no, no, yeah, it's not it's not a dance.
SPEAKER_04I grabbed my phone and I was like, no, I'm gonna behave. I'm not gonna look till after.
SPEAKER_00So scrumping it spells it, spell it just like it sounds, and it it uh the the newest theory is that uh eating fermented fruit with early humanoid apes uh is what separated you know kind of what we are today from other primates uh because it created community, because it created kind of you know more free thought and acceptance of others and and all that stuff. And and you we're not talking like, yeah, they weren't getting blasted off of like rotting bananas on the forest floor. It was it was just that it kind of loosened it up enough where it it gave it was like an accelerant to uh what we became as humans. Um so I I just thought it was a really interesting theory.
SPEAKER_04So fascinating. Yeah. I yes, no, I'm gonna be reading a lot more about this, but also like it kind of makes sense. So I mean it does make sense.
SPEAKER_00It's like like like just I've read a couple different uh like medical journals on it, because that that's that's where I like to go. And and it like you know, it used to be that it was it was more of a safety thing. They're eating fruit off the floor rather than off in the trees. Uh, but no, it it's just like it's it's pretty fascinating. So that's something there, and yeah, maybe we do some kind of collaboration sometime about you know figuring out what wines are what type of wine is like the you know the most successful. But I do think that there is that that pause, that conversation piece, uh, that enjoyment, that social lubricant, all of those bits and pieces kind of add to a beneficial outcome. And I'm not saying you have to drink to succeed. I'm just saying that there there is an element of it where if you do imbibe in uh a nice glass of wine, I do think that it can help.
SPEAKER_04Oh, for sure. Yeah, it's like the whole square rectangle thing. Like one is one, but the other isn't the other. Um, I always say it the opposite. So I'm not gonna not gonna attempt that. But but yeah, it's like you can have a good time without drinking, but like most people will say they definitely have a good time when they do. So yeah, no complaints there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think there's gonna be a whole movement. I would just like to see like a collaboration with a hip-hop artist, too. You know, maybe we can get like a good song going with this. Of course you would.
SPEAKER_00Jesus, you try to scrumping. So he tries to hold me out on all this stuff in marketing all the time, and it's really so uh I think we should jump into some of these edgy questions and rapid fire.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah. So about a rapid fire, but try me.
SPEAKER_01Well, we we all that's kind of like the funny thing here. Like we call it rapid fire, but I don't know.
SPEAKER_00You're more conversation starters than we're gonna get real fast. Like what let's see. Your dream dream date location. This could be personal or what you
Rapid Fire: Dream dates, Green flags, Red flags, oh my!
SPEAKER_00think the dream date location would be for somebody you were setting up.
SPEAKER_04I mean, the first thing, because it's rapid that comes to mind, is Dave and I are going to a wedding in um southern Italy coming up, and we are going. To dine in a cave. So that is my dream date location that is coming up in the near future, and my dreams are about to come true.
SPEAKER_03So clearly can't send it to the case. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_04I can't send all my clients to drink and eat in a cave overlooking like a I should say it's a cliff, cliffside cave. That is the cool part of it.
SPEAKER_00Can you tell us where this is? Because I'd like to know.
SPEAKER_04He's gonna show us. Found it on Pinterest, and I'm just obsessed and I can't wait to go.
SPEAKER_03So you guys are going to Italy.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Nice. It's actually, yeah, this is not again, not rapid, but like my friend, and this is the reason that I am always like stay on the apps. My friend is marrying an Italian guy, but she was swiping for a friend of ours who had gotten burnt out, and she was like, Let me run your profile for you. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Found her own husband doing it. And so, because of that wonderfulness, now I get to go to a wedding in Italy.
SPEAKER_00Oh, right. That's a yeah, that's a that's a backhanded win.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh, what is the a green flag that people don't appreciate enough?
SPEAKER_04I hate when someone this is so people say it all the time, but like I hate when people are like he was too nice. That is a great thing. That is a really good thing. Yeah. So I would say people don't appreciate the nice guys enough.
SPEAKER_00Do people just not believe that there's truly nice people out there? I mean, do you see that?
SPEAKER_04No, I think they do. I think it just, I don't know if it comes off as like they're lacking in um something like more dynamic energy, is usually what it is. Like, um, because when when they're like, oh, I want someone with an edge, I'm like, but do you really? You know, like when you think of the rest of your life, I think what they're talking about is they want someone maybe who's less like boring. And boring is different than being too nice. And so I try to get people to reframe the vocabulary surrounding those conversations. I'm like, did it bother you that he was really nice? I don't think so. I think maybe you were just bored, and that's fine. I'll find you someone less boring, but let's let's keep nice in the equation here.
SPEAKER_01That's a good point. Yeah, and I I I just wanted to add too, since it's rapid fire, and just slow it down a little bit uh in fashion. But I think also, and and let me know what you think, but two things can happen at the same time. So someone can be kind and still edgy. Someone could be confident and still nice. Like I feel like sometimes it's like this thing oh, you're too, you're too nice, and then they don't really kind of see the confidence that you could have or get kind of like blindsided at that. Because um, I I agree with you. I'm glad that you brought that up because I mean I I feel like that should be someone, something people are looking for. I would like someone nice and not someone that treats me like shit.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well, just the point here of like that's where the bump behind the bump comes in.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, and the difference between confidence and narcissism. Like confidence does not mean narcissism.
SPEAKER_01That's yeah, yeah, yeah. That word got thrown around a lot. That guy that was trained.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, his guy. Has that phased out too, like Shreking? Like that you that that became like everybody, every girl I talked to is like, oh, I broke up and he's a narcissist. I'm like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Everyone dated a narcissist, everyone got love, love bombed, everybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the love bombing.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Yeah, and I feel like the other thing um that was coming up a lot is like, well, ghosting, love bombing, but um, but yeah, there's a lot of things. Oh, gaslighting. That was like everyone for like a year was like, you're gaslighting me. I just got gaslit. I dated someone who gaslighted me. Maybe I don't want to discount though the people that really truly did. That does happen and that's terrible. But like there's so many terms that are really overused or miss, I should say, misused.
SPEAKER_00Come the hot button items to say, and everybody jumps through them and then all of a sudden they're gone.
SPEAKER_01I blame Netflix with their documentaries, you know. It's like not everyone's the tender swindler, you know what I mean? Because it's like like those people that were getting gaslit and stuff like that, like, yeah, but did the person, your ex did they steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from you? Because that that's a successful gaslighting.
SPEAKER_00Successful gaslighting.
SPEAKER_04Uh I feel like Net Netflix has caused the demise of the entertainment industry. So you can blame Netflix all you want.
SPEAKER_00All right, what is the biggest red flag that people ignore way too often?
SPEAKER_04Incistent behavior. So I think um people ignore if someone is mistreating them, but then like make up for it, they apologize, everything's great. Um, it's not the same thing as someone treating you consistently well, yet people stay in a relationship for years where they're there's inconsistencies happening. And I feel like to me, that's the biggest red flag. And I don't know if it's intentionally overlooked or people just don't, they're in denial, but um, someone needs to be treating you consistently well for that to count um as being a healthy relationship.
SPEAKER_00You said you weren't good at rapid fire. You've had your last two responses were like fucking awesome. All right, last one. Uh this one's a funny one because it's texting, calling, or just paying attention in the post date uh immediacy of the post-date. Too much texting or calling or attention, good or bad and different. Like, like I think people, I guess what I'm saying is people hesitate because they think, oh, I shouldn't text her just yet because I don't want her to think I'm a dead, I'm desperate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So is that like, is there a do you have a rule of thumb on that, or is it just wear your emotion on the sleeve?
SPEAKER_04There's two questions in there. There's timing of texting, and then there's frequency of texting, right? So I'm all for someone texting someone soon, right? Like Dave and I went on a first date, and like I think he texted me before I got home, or he dropped me off but texted me like right after. Um, that's great. You have a good time, you want to let someone know right away. Like, I'm all for um texting someone the next day, calling the next day, whatever, say you had a great time, um, or starting a conversation. Frequency, chill the fuck out. Like, I think that if it's between, oh, I haven't heard from him enough, I'm worried, or I haven't heard from her enough, I'm worried, versus oh my God, like constantly sending me messages, you don't want to be the person that the person's complaining, you're like messaging too much. I also think the stage of the relationship matters, but um generally speaking, texting early is great after going on a date with somebody if you're interested. If they complain about that, they're not that into you. But in as far as frequency, chill out, wait until you have there's more, there's like several dates that you've been on before you're like regularly in communication.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was gonna say go on another date to to communicate, and uh and then once you get more comfortable, I think that's that's the best way to go. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just have a follow-up question. So the first text shouldn't be a gif. Like maybe of like Shrek.
SPEAKER_00You're like, don't forget about Mr. Shrek over here.
SPEAKER_02I'm Shrek, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Or like 10 emojis.
SPEAKER_04It has to be so spot on as it pertained to a conversation the two of you had. Beyond that, avoid, avoid, avoid.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. That's all. Well, JD, I want to say thank you very much for joining us on the podcast. Uh, it was a real pleasure. We got some great insights. I think, I think uh all of our viewers and listeners are gonna are gonna love this. Um, so thank you for taking the time. Um, and and thank you to uh to your husband Dave as well for for him taking the time. We've had some really good conversations in the past couple weeks.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And please, um, I know you guys got some plans, Italy plans, it's great, but uh we would love to have you here, you know, and and show you around. Um if you guys are ever in the in the valley, please let us know.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that would be awesome. We'll definitely keep you posted. And thank you for having me on. This is a really fun conversation.
SPEAKER_00Cheers. All right, thank you. Until next time. Thank you.