Go With Your Palate
Joe Wagner, 5th Generation Winemaker, presents the podcast "Go With Your Palate." A podcast about wine, entrepreneurship, and whatever the F else. So buckle up - this isn't your normal wine podcast.
Go With Your Palate
E96 Jaydi Samuels Kuba | Joe Wagner
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Is modern dating broken... or are we just doing it wrong?
Hollywood matchmaker Jaydi Samuels Kuba joins us to break down dating apps, attraction psychology, relationship red flags, and the surprising story of how one of her clients became her husband.
This one might change how you think about love.
🎙️ Go With Your Palate: Jaydi Samuels Kuba | Modern Matchmaking, Dating Disasters & Finding Your Last First Date
This week, we’re joined by Jaydi Samuels Kuba—founder of Match Made in Hollywood (@matchmadeinhollywood), author of Your Last First Date: Secrets from a Hollywood Matchmaker, podcast host, TV writer, proud mama, and relationship strategist helping successful people navigate the wild world of modern dating.
In a world where swipes, algorithms, and endless options often seem to be replacing genuine human connection, Jaydi has built a career helping people cut through the noise and find what they're actually looking for. We dive into dating psychology, compatibility, emotional intelligence, and the biggest mistakes both men and women make when searching for lasting relationships. She also pulls back the curtain on her matchmaking process—how she evaluates compatibility, identifies blind spots, and helps clients look beyond the checklists that may be keeping them from finding the right person.
We also explore how technology, social media, and dating apps have transformed romance—and what modern singles can learn about attraction, communication, and looking beyond their own preconceived judgments. Sometimes the perfect match isn't who you expected at all.
And because this is Go With Your Palate, we don't stop at relationship theory. We get into dating red flags, green flags, first-date chemistry, wine-fueled conversations, and one of the best real-life plot twists you'll ever hear: how one of Jaydi's matchmaking clients eventually became her husband—our previous guest, reality TV pioneer, creative executive, and producer Dave Kuba. It's the kind of story that sounds like it was written for television... except it actually happened.
Whether you're happily partnered, actively dating, or simply fascinated by human behavior, this episode is packed with insight, laughs, and a fresh perspective on what it means to truly connect in today's world.
Grab a glass, open your mind, and maybe rethink what you're looking for. 🍷❤️✨
📍 Follow Jaydi: @matchmadeinhollywood
📍 Learn more: www.LJMATCHMAKING.com
Welcome back to a little preview on Wet Your Palette. We have another special guest coming up on Go With Your Palette. We've got JD Samuels Kuba, who is a matchmaker out in uh Hollywood, Southern California, LA. And uh she's got some great insights. It was just a blast to talk to her, talking about some of the trends that have come and gone, people talking about gaslighting, narcissism, love bombing, shrekking, and how those things have come gone and there's new shit coming around the corner. But man, yeah, it was it was just a great conversation about what she's seeing in the dating world, how she helps couples get find each other, right?
SPEAKER_02I just want to say that Joe and I are blessed to have uh found love in our lives, but damn, it would have been great to have a JD around when we're out there in this busy world, man.
SPEAKER_01If if you don't have time or you you've had you know some some shots and misses and you don't like it, there are people out there to help you that are way better than the dating apps. And uh JD is just one of them. She she and her business partner, great stories, great advice. Listen to the podcast, you're gonna love it. You know, contact them if you're looking for a little bit of uh help.
SPEAKER_02There's all three lovely singles out there, so tune in and get the test.
SPEAKER_01Like I happen to have teenagers and I speak the slang sometimes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, you have to go back and forth because he he has six kids and I feel like I uh they've actually kept him hip. I mean that's I mean there's a lot of great things that I mean your your kids give.
SPEAKER_01I like learning new languages, not a new English language. That's not one of my hobbies. It's it's it's like But it's so funny. It's like the cycle is so fast now. They'll like words come in and six months later they're they're like stale and the kids like are like, oh yeah, nobody says that anymore. Just as soon as we nail it off it's uh I mean that might be a good question or a good thing to talk about. Like at what point do you just air back to normal English as a human? Because we had we had our terms growing up.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like we called money skrilla.
SPEAKER_04We like the the word I remember there there was like a musician, right, with that name.
SPEAKER_01There was Skrillex.
SPEAKER_04Or Skrillex, yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yeah, but then but then also like a NorCal like you know you're you can tell that somebody is from NorCal if they use the word Hela.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Hella Norcal Intro
SPEAKER_01And so but at some point I stopped using the word hella, like when I was 18 probably.
SPEAKER_02When you went well when you went to SoCal. No, just when I fucking grew up. I mean we well we b because like I went when I went to SoCal, that was like that's like a another thing. You kind of like it really You kind of had just had this awakening. You're like, whoa, dude, there's there's like just different terminology, uh just SoCal NorCal. So if you're like living in SoCal growing up in NorCal, it's like you kind of had to like adjust unless you always wanted to constantly get in called out.
SPEAKER_01Then you had to start sounding like some surfer.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, or then you know you just be like uh yeah. Or then you just embrace it and you just be like, whatever, dude. Like I mean, so I say hella. I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, nowadays like I can't even I can't even I can't even keep up.
SPEAKER_04I just did a podcast episode on like the dating terminology these days. It's so it's the same thing where it's like
Who’s Shreking?
SPEAKER_04there's a new term for this behavior, and then two seconds later, like they're on to the next, and it's uh it's pretty wild, but it reminds me a lot of like the young generation and how quickly they move on.
SPEAKER_01So you're even seeing dating terminology for grown adults adjusting at that pace.
SPEAKER_04100%. Wow.
SPEAKER_01Can you do you have any examples on top of your head?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, for sure. Um, Shrekking. Like, do you know what Shrekking is?
SPEAKER_02No, no, no. I mean, I know the movie, Shrek.
SPEAKER_04Okay, yeah. So inspired by that, of course, Shreking is like when women are, I mean, I guess it can go either way, but like when women are actively trying to find someone who is a less attractive match for them so that they could be the one to shine to shine. And so it's like the act of seeking out someone unattractive to be your romantic partner, is called Shreking.
SPEAKER_01Is that usually a short-term or long-term play? What is what it like is kind of both.
SPEAKER_04I mean, it there's some people that they go Shreking to find their husband. Um, I had a client once for my matchmaking service come to me. Um, and I know you had Dave on the podcast, my husband, who was a client for a while of mine before I married him. Um, the woman that he that had referred him to the company, we had been trying to find her boyfriend for a while. And she, when she sat down with us, the criteria that she said she was looking for, one of the top things she sat down at our table and she was like, ladies, I gotta tell you, the uglier the better. I want all eyes on me when I walk into the room. And she was so ahead of her time because Shrekking did not exist back then. I feel like she was like the OG Shrecker.
SPEAKER_01Wow. I mean, I just call that lowering your standards. Um, but yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm actually gonna already start note-taking. Ask girlfriend. Are you Shreking?
SPEAKER_04Was she engaging, engaging and Shreking?
SPEAKER_02Not offended.
SPEAKER_01Just grateful. Just grateful. I'll take it. We can just roll in, man. Yeah, we should probably get into the welcome to go with your palette. Uh, we got another episode. We got a special guest.
Welcome Jaydi Samuels Kuba: @matchmadeinhollywood
SPEAKER_01Yes. But before that, we've got my co-host Chris Fat Mario Rubio, got me, Joe Wagner, and we have a special guest and uh a relative of our former guest, or I shouldn't say the wife of our former guest. We have to be kind of weird. Relative. I mean, you're on paper now, but not by blood, so that's good.
SPEAKER_03Role-playing, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Can you trekking the family?
SPEAKER_03It's already getting weird, JD's. Oh, no, sorry, sorry about this.
SPEAKER_04Which which one of us was trekking, by the way?
SPEAKER_03What are you trying to say? No one's trekking. You're both beautiful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So we got JD Samuels Kuba. Welcome to the podcast. You are a matchmaker down in Southern California. Um, how long have you been doing that?
SPEAKER_04About 15 years.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's that's a lot of time.
SPEAKER_04Uh you've I mean longer, by the way, on an amateur level, but you know, 15 years having a proper LLC and all of that, but setting up people my whole life.
SPEAKER_01So you're the founder of Matchmade in Hollywood, and you've got a book out, your last first date. Uh so welcome to the podcast. We're super excited to talk to you about, you know, kind of your origin story, how you got into this. I imagine it started in middle school, but I can't wait to hear about it.
SPEAKER_04As as all good things do, right? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you gotta get your feet wet somewhere, right? It's uh it doesn't just uh magically appear. So um I mean, what why don't we start there? I'd love to hear uh where where you got the interest in the very beginning to become a matchmaker.
SPEAKER_04I was just always a real natural connector of people. And so, you know, it's not like I was setting up teacher teachers and students in middle school. Um, super weird. Um I would set up friends with each other, or I would set up uh roommates, you know, as I got older, or people helping them find their jobs. Um, I just liked connecting people to whatever their hopes and dreams and desires were, right? I would try to be that middle woman to make that connection. And I think as I aged up, just the natural thing that most people wanted, you know, out of life, aside from having great careers and a place to live, is they wanted to find that special person to share their lives with. And so it just was a very in college, I was always the person that was not shy on my friend's behalf to walk up to the guy, you know, at the bar and try
TV Writer for Family Guy to Hollywood Matchmaker extraordinaire
SPEAKER_04to get him to go over and talk to my friends. So it just all kind of spiraled from that. And it wasn't until I was working on the show Family Guy, I was an assistant initially. Um, and I just noticed that the women who are amazing just all were struggling with their dating lives for the most part. And the guys seemingly had it all together, and I couldn't understand why that was, and I wanted to be the solver of the problem. And they're really in Hollywood at the time, this was like 2008. Um, they're really at then and honestly, even now, there really like wasn't that one place people could go to found to find those grounded, like-minded singles that were looking to settle down. You know, it's it's the type of business that everyone has shiny object syndrome, even prior to online dating being like a massive thing, just everyone wanted the next biggest, like best, hottest thing. And there were the good eggs out there that just were ready, you know, to have a family. And I wanted to point people in the direction of those other people. And so I just thought to myself, what if I start a company on the side? And I did that while pursuing a writing career and it all took off from there.
SPEAKER_01All right. So you you got in you got inspired at some point just through being on set, and you were a writer at the time, and uh and you must have had some early successes and and and you know, just from like a friendship connection standpoint and getting people together, and then and then at at what point did you say, I'm gonna start a business out of this? I mean, what was how how did that transition even feel? Because that seems like going into the unknown and like you're gonna expand your social circles by magnitudes, I'm sure. Like uh, yeah, how did how did that process go?
SPEAKER_04But I mean, that's really why I did it, because it gets really incestuous if you're just setting up people you already know. So um the idea, not as incestuous, by the way, as your suggestion that I am married to my brother.
SPEAKER_03No relatives. We're not we're not matchmaking at family reunions.
SPEAKER_04But you know, like not everyone is going to end up with a person they date. And so if you're only setting up people you know, you're gonna have a bunch of people that don't want to be in the same room as each other at some point. And so it was getting really messy. And I thought, if I start a business, then people will feel comfortable making referrals to me. And so initially it was just um like I filed a personal business license and to operate in California, and I just started telling people like, send me all the singles, you know, quality singles that you have. And then it grew to a point where I took on a business partner, formed a proper LLC. But it was all while I was initially an assistant at Family Guy. By the time I left, I I did end up writing, um, you know, and since I had a TV writing career, but the time that I started it, I was actually just an assistant.
SPEAKER_01And and for anybody considering getting into the matchmaking game, do you need any credentials?
SPEAKER_04Apparently not, because I I did not have any at the time. Um, there is a governing body called the Global Love Institute. It used
Global Love Institute
SPEAKER_04to be called a matchmaking institute, now it's the Global Love Institute. We actually just had a conference um a couple weeks ago in New York where 160 of us all got together, but they issue certifications. And so if you want to go the route to get certified, there's an avenue to do that. I've had a certification for over a decade now to matchmake and date coach. I've literally never had one client or one prospective client ask what my certification is. So do you really need one? Not really. Um is it nice to have and is it good to have sort of that more formal education and background? Yes. Um, I I was very presumptuous when I started matchmaking. Like, I have a gift, just send me your singles and quickly discovered. Um, I don't care how many, you know, your mom, your grandmother was a matchmaker. I don't care what kind of gift you think you have. There is so much you learn just on the job. And so I thought I was really good at it until I started doing it. And now I think I'm so much better than I was when I first started. But I'm every day I'm learning something new about, you know, how to bring people together in a more efficient capacity so that my success rates continue to climb.
SPEAKER_01Well, I love that. I love, I love that uh learning on the job, I think is still the best way to learn, whether that's learning from people who who you know were doing it ahead of you or just you know, finding your own stumbling blocks and learning from those. And um, so I still believe that that is the best way to go. And and I'm glad to hear that you can make your own way. And at the end of the day, the proof is in the pudding. If you do it well, people are gonna be coming back and people are gonna be uh uh going going and making referrals. So uh congrats to you for building that up. That is awesome.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I was I was gonna say, you I like just was uh hearing you have so many successes in your life from you know, TV writer, you got the podcast going uh with your husband, Dave, uh, you know, proud mama and wife, you know, got a lot of things going on. But I did want to like read something because it I I found it very interesting. But even like Seth McFarlane, I know, like has like made a quote about your your book, uh Your Last First Date, Secrets from Uh Hollywood. And uh he said, JD's book is full of humor and heart. It's a wonderfully relatable narrative we can all connect with. And it made me think about humor and
The Power of Humor in Dating (Having Fun)
SPEAKER_02just you having that background as like a TV writer and everything. And I was wondering if maybe you found that humor could be a big highlight in this whole matchmaking world, love connection. I was wondering if it kind of plays a part. Do you ever find yourself even touching, using those skills to kind of help people?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I I think humor really disarms people. Um, there are a lot of people that will come to the intake interview that we conduct with our clients, and they are just so listen, it's a it's it's serious. The search for love, it is a serious thing, but there are people that come to us with a very serious approach, and it doesn't always reflect what they're like in a in a dating scenario. And so we'll see a very serious side to someone, and then we it it really colors who we have in mind for them. And what I've learned is people are not always the way they are with us, the way they show up on a date. And so when we really try to, obviously, we're not dating our clients, except for that one time.
SPEAKER_03Um we're gonna get to that, by the way. I can't wait to get to seem to work out all right. Because I want to know about that because I okay, I don't want to get abstract.
SPEAKER_04No, no, you're fine. But we try to create an environment where people do feel comfortable and they're joking with us and you know, are able to be playful enough about the process that we can get a glimpse of what they're like in a looser environment when they're actually on a date with somebody. Um so yeah, it's it's a serious search, but it's good to be playful about it all. And I think the second that you don't have a sense of humor about it is when um, you know, I'm a dating coach too. I don't just matchmake. And I think with a lot of my coaching clients, a huge part of it is getting people out of their heads and not feeling like there's something wrong with them. It's just maybe there's minor adjustments that they can make, but you know, just how can you make dating fun again? And they're even, you know, as specific as you hear all the time, guys of a certain age only want women of a certain age, even if they're, you know, they don't want to date women their age, they want women significantly younger. It's like a common trope that you hear. And when you really start to unpack it and you meet with so many men and women, you know, heterosexual um populations speaking, because it's a little bit different with others, but um there's reasons for it that are valid, right? You hear them say, like, oh, it's because I want children and um I want to spend a certain amount of time with someone before we have kids. And sure, that's fine. But also today's day and age, people freeze their eggs, they freeze embryos, like it's not a perfect excuse. Really, what it is when you unpack it is a lot of women, when they when they get to a certain age and they start to fear that, oh, I want a family and I may not, it may not be in the cards for me, they double down on um kind of that serious attitude. They can come off as a little bit more negative, a little bit more jaded. And the guys go on dates with women their age and they're like, this energy is not working for me. And they date younger because they're they're bubbly, they don't have a care in the world. And it's it's that warmth and playfulness and that enthusiasm that they're looking for. And if women their age show up that way on a date, they don't mind. It's great. If that person's compatible with them and they're attracted, perfect. They're off to the races. And so I do actually spend a lot of my time discussing with women in particular, but both genders, how to add more levity and humor and playfulness to their dating lives.
SPEAKER_01So you think that that's I that's an interesting point. So natural progression is that uh women oftentimes get to a point in their biological clock where they take a little more of a serious approach and that turns off the men. And so the men by default say this doesn't seem like a compatible person because it's not as fun and lively as I want. So they just air to younger must be more fun. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04When in reality, they feel like they're on an interview, you know, like instead of just enjoying someone's company. And I there are really great reasons for that as well. You know, a woman at that age, like you don't want to waste your time. And so you want to know right away what religion are you, and how many, you know, do you see yourself having a family? There's reasons that they're taking a more serious approach, but it's just it's counterintuitive to their end goal.
SPEAKER_01I take that as a learning for both men and women in in heterosexual relationships where it's like, yeah, just you know, ladies be a little more chill and fun, even when you got some heavy stuff on your mind. And dudes, don't don't judge a book by its cover. Get a little deeper.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. No, seriously. And that's exactly right.
SPEAKER_01Confidentiality, obviously, it must be very important. We're not gonna ask any questions about like famous matches and whatever else you've done. Um but but I am we want to. But I am curious, did you have anything to do with Kevin Fetterline or Brittany Spears? I'm kidding. That's not no uh that was like that wasn't me. That was that was an inside joke over here. Uh so matchmaking database-wise, is that something you can talk about? Like obviously you have kind of an intrinsic idea, something that just comes to mind once we meet somebody and maybe you already have a top three on uh off the top of your head, but do you have some categorization within a database of people that you're you have worked with or still working with that you haven't quite find that perfect found that perfect match that you can kind of search through and how big is that database and and and how do you how do you categorize and and kind of flush out uh through that process to find like a top three potentials?
Constructing the ultimate love database
SPEAKER_04So I I love that we landed on three potentials. Sometimes I have one potential, sometimes I have 30 potentials, but um I'll walk you through an example. So right before right before this podcast, right? I just did an intake interview with a new bachelor, um, really incredible, eligible guy in his um early 40s, has a great career, um, owns his house, you know, in the on the west side down here in in Los Angeles, and um just really grounded and funny and intelligent, like Ivy League education and just all the like typical stats on paper that you see of what women tend to go for, right? He was so open almost to um, which you want to hear as a matchmaker, right? But almost to the point that I'm like, dude, I have like 200 women in mind for you. Like our database is in the thousands, so like you gotta be a little bit more specific. We can widen the net if we need to. And it was an interesting problem to have because typically it's the opposite, right? Typically, someone comes to me and they have this very narrow window of what they think they're open to. When I was single, I thought I knew what I wanted. And if I came to a matchmaker and described that, I literally wouldn't have met my husband. I would have overlooked him. And so I prefer when clients aren't so rigid. They think when they come to a matchmaker that they're like ordering off a menu, you know, um, you know, I don't know, no receding hairlines or no one over this age or under that age, or this body type won't do. Like they think, like, oh, the more specific the better, because and this is the same with online dating. There's so many choices. Why would I settle, right? For you know, something that's not the ideal in everything. So what I do um and my business partner Lauren, what we do is we hear them, right? And then we have a starting place. Um, to circle back to your question, we have a starting place before we even meet with them, based on their written questionnaire, what we think would be a match. So we'll start with that in our pool. Um, we do use a software, we've tweaked the algorithm of this software to kind of fit the way that our minds work um to help narrow things down more easily. So we'll start with that pool. Let's say we've got 30 people in mind for a guy. He comes in, we're like, oh, just even seeing your face alone, we're like 10 of these women, like it just doesn't make sense. We narrow it down to 20. Okay. So then we talk to him, you know, and you keep narrowing it down. You just, it's a whittling away process. And then maybe there's three left, like you suggested, maybe there's one, maybe there's 15. Um, and so determining what to weight more heavily than other qualities is so person dependent. This guy, he was like, I don't care about religion or politics, right? Um, which is a very wide sort of um sort of like, okay, well, what do you care about? Right. So we we dove deeper and we figured out like what was really important to him. Um But typically, typically there's preferences, there's deal breakers, and we'll start with the deal breakers. Usually it's religion, politics, um, whether someone's looking for marriage, whether they want children, like those general categories. And then there's the stuff that's the like uns intangibles, the emotional, physical potentials for connection. And uh a lot of it's gut instinct. Sorry, that was a very long-winded response to your question.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that was interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that was great, actually. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because I was like actually wondering about how much what what did you call, sorry, the the this beginning kind of interview? Intake.
SPEAKER_04Oh, an in an intake, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And so there, so then you're getting like this intake.
SPEAKER_01Do you um You've never been arrested, have you?
SPEAKER_02I mean, I didn't remember. I didn't there was a I didn't remember that part.
SPEAKER_03But I digressed.
SPEAKER_04Important to know sometimes.
SPEAKER_02Um no, just kidding, kind of. Anyways, um, but yeah, I I was kind of wondering, like, so then after that, and you and then you kind of narrow it down. Now you kind of have an idea of your pool, like you said, and whether that's the one or the ten, and does it start just rolling from there? Then it's just kind of like, okay, you're gonna be ready for your
BTS Matchmaking process
SPEAKER_02first date.
SPEAKER_04And then do you kind of meet with them after the first date, like both, and then kind of so we just don't have the bandwidth to do FaceTime for, I mean, we have like a VIP tier where we will do FaceTime after every subsequent um introduction that we make for them. But for like our basic level tier, which is what most of our database is in, we just don't have the bandwidth to have um in-person or even phone calls, to be honest, about um every date. We prefer things in writing just because um we are setting up so many dates and we want to make sure if someone comes to us three years later, like let's say we set you up a few times, you meet someone on your own, and then you come back, you're like, it didn't work out, like, oh gosh, like let's look through our notes and see. So if we're meeting people in person or we're talking to them on the phone, you know, it's harder to have that record in their own words of how a date went. And so we do written feedback, um, and it's helpful just for bandwidth purposes, but also to keep records of things. Um, and we are very specific with the written feedback and it is all confidential. So if there truly are people that are uncomfortable putting things in writing and we have some of you know a decent amount of those clients, like we will hop on the phone if need be. But we do prefer that written feedback just because I think nothing beats someone's own words. And it's also stuff that we can reference later, like, hey, like, you know, we went this route because you said you were looking for this, yada, yada, yada. Um, but yeah, having that written feedback will allow us to pivot as needed. And we're constantly, it's like, um, it's like when you're, I mean, I'm not an artist, um, not that type of artist at least, but if you are sculpting something um out of clay, right? You're you start with the pool of the clay, but you're having to sort of whittle it down. And every conversation that we have with the client is a whittling down process, starting with the intake interview and going through any date we set them up on until that like amazing person is just left standing that's carved out for them perfectly. And so we we're really good at taking uh feedback written or otherwise and just increasing the strength of the next introduction based on that conversation.
SPEAKER_01And at what point uh does does imagery become involved? Um you know, in the in this in the new dating world, which fortunately I've never had to do the online dating thing and and I'm you know married and all that stuff, but I've just heard more horror stories than than any positive out of this online dating, you know, charade that's been going on. And so I think that obviously a big part of that is it's so easy to swipe one way or another and um and and personality plays no role. It's more about aesthetics and hooking up, but you obviously do the legwork to make sure you're you're cutting through um the stuff that really matters. Uh, but at what point, or is it ever different for everybody, does an image become an a part of it? You know, that that it's you know, you put a picture of a guy in front of a a woman and she just says, Oh, absolutely not. I don't like dark hair. I like whatever.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So we're
Love is Blind? No Judgements…
SPEAKER_04a blind dating service. Okay. Um yeah. And so, and by the way, if I need to uh get my dog in the other room, let me know. I don't know if it's picking up on the mic.
SPEAKER_02But um, but I might ask you to bring the dog just to see it later. He's so cute. He's so cute.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'll bring him over in a bit. He uh I'm wearing uh like pajama pants, so I have to be careful how I exit the frame to get the dog.
SPEAKER_03Appreciate the honest dude. We didn't do this, dude. I wish I was wearing pajama pants right now, kind of jealousy.
SPEAKER_04The best. I mean, why work from home if you have to put on regular pants?
SPEAKER_03Um at least you have pants on, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Like that is important. I yes. I've I've learned from others outside of the city. COVID taught us a lot. COVID taught us a lot.
SPEAKER_03COVID taught us a lot.
SPEAKER_04But uh no, I run a blind dating service. And so, you know, it's funny because a lot of matchmakers, they they don't run it that way, and that's fine to each zone. But I really feel like um we do stress the importance of physical chemistry. So I think sometimes people hear it's a blind dating service and they're like, oh, well, I I am not interested in that. Like I'm so looks driven, it's really important to me. That's fine. I believe that someone should really weight that heavily. I think you shouldn't spend the rest of your life with someone that you don't feel physical attraction toward. So we spend time, you know, talking about that category when we're convenient conversing with somebody. It's just, I think when um when images get put into the equation, entered into the equation, a lot of times some amazing um potential matches are overlooked. There are so many people online that might you might not swipe the right way on, but if they you saw them at a party, you'd be like, oh my God, I'm wild about this person. But just seeing a photo, like I have this one guy who and I swipe with a lot of my clients too. I think online dating is a great supplement. Um, I don't, I'm not so presumptuous as to think, don't do any of the work at all. You know, like for TV writing, um, I have an agent, I have a manager. I get my own work a lot of the times, right? But it's a great supplement to have these other people looking for me. That's what a matchmaker should be. I've seen people outsource it where they're paying like $100,000 to their matchmaker and they just don't want to do any work on their own. They just want to show up for the date. And that's fine. There's services that are great for that. Um, I don't think statistically they're necessarily better than what we offer. Um, and so I could talk about that for ages, but I do think that it's important that someone is still showing up in the real world, able to have a conversation with someone, you know, that they're interested in and get their phone number if they're interested and turn that into a date. And also important to be visible online. You just don't know where your husband or wife is lurking. And so you just want to be findable, you want to be available in as many places as possible so that they could find you or you could find them. So when it comes to images, I've just I've seen, I've done coaching sessions with a guy who literally will swipe the wrong way on a woman if her main profile is not of her smiling. Um, and it's right, it's the same thing where it's like if you're on a date with someone, she's not being playful, we'll try making her laugh. I promise you, like she's probably playful with her friends and maybe she just had a bad day or whatever. It doesn't mean she's not your wife, right? And it's the same thing. Like you see a photo, you make a judgment. We kind of take that off the table. I still am focusing on finding someone that you have chemistry with, I promise. But I'm taking the entire package into consideration. And so that's why we do blind dates. Um, every once in a while we'll have someone um really resist the process. But for the most part, um, I think we just have a good reputation and people have had good experiences. Our clients just really trust us in that arena.
SPEAKER_02I like that actually, because I kind of feel like nowadays with all this matchmaking online services and stuff, I mean, let's be be real. They've been catfishing for like years, and now technology has just made it so much more easier. Someone could AI a total profile. It's not even them writing what they're they're saying they like to do, their bios, the pictures are all AI. I mean, at the end of the day, I'd rather I'd rather have a more human, like um, I guess, wing person or or matchmaker or someone in there that's on my side that like I've already met with, they know me, and they're they're actually really kind of interacting and trying to put two people together and not relying so much on, like you're saying, like a photograph and judging on that or what people say about themselves, because at the end of the day, too. I mean, I think when you want to meet people, we all want to put our best foot forward, we all want to say those things, but I think there's there's some mystery and just kind of allowing that stuff to be figured out in the in the first date.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, once you're kind of put into the lion's den, so to speak, right? Like you you're gonna have to figure it out, and that's I think that's where magic can either happen or it doesn't.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think that's the way to go. And and I think there's one thing that that I which is interesting because what you're doing is either for people that are busy um or people that that don't have really the the confidence or maybe don't like being let down. I mean that but that's that's a part of like life that I recall. That's gonna happen regardless, right? Where you walk up to a woman at a bar or at a party and you find her physically attractive first and you try to break the ice and you get shut down. And that's it like for all men, that's kind of an ego hit, right? And the more you get shut down, the the less it hurts. But the but the more you but the more I think you fine-tune your your skills and kind of what might work. Um, and I do think nowadays some of that, if you want to call that an art, some of that art has been lost on both sides of the equation, both on the women and the men, where I think people are more apt to just say, no, I'm having a drink by you know with my friend and I don't want to be bothered right now. And and the guy's just like, I don't want to, you know, my ego can't take another hit like this. So I'm gonna stop and and I'm gonna look for alternate routes to to find a date that might be well.
SPEAKER_04That's the key. Yeah, is the alternate route. Like there are alternate routes. There didn't used to be, right? So it's like when we were growing up, a guy had to come talk to me, or he would not get to see
The OG dating approach…Successful?
SPEAKER_04me again, right? Potentially. Um, now it's like there's the only way that you used to be able to get dates was to ask somebody out in person. That was just the only option. And so men got better at refining their skills in doing that. I do think it's an art form. You know, when it came to now it or when it comes to now, it's there's so many other avenues that you can meet people, but particularly with online dating, right? And so, why would you go up to someone at a grocery store and ask for her phone number, risk possible rejection or hearing that she's has a boyfriend or whatever it is, when you could just go online in the same grocery store and start swiping on a bunch of women you know are single who are not going to reject you potentially to your face? It's so there people hide behind that and that skill set has not been refined. Yeah, terrified. You know, the average guy is terrified of walking up to a woman. Like, why put yourself out there? And it's a valid question. Why do that? Because you could just as easily or more easily go on the internet. And so, yeah, total I I agree with you. I think it's a complete art form that is uh dying art form.
SPEAKER_01I guess it's still better that I mean, it's better than arranged marriages.
SPEAKER_02I think it's I think it's actually I think it's gonna be coming back. I think you're gonna see like a resurgence of this, of that because you made a great, great point again, of like technology kind of getting in the way. And now I think it's gonna be more of a refreshing thing when you get approached or you know, at a grocery store or, you know, a coffee shop or something like that, and and someone says something, you know, that maybe catches your attention if it's funny or something like that. I mean, that's where all I mean they got coin like pickup lines and stuff like that. But honestly, that was coming from people just trying to get creative of like, okay, I've been turned down like, you know, I'm just I'm just speaking as an example, like real. Uh but I've been turned down 20 times. Like I should probably think of something funny this day or something clever, you know, something dumb. Anything that could be different than you know, someone's hearing all the time. And I I I think it's I could see it like I could see it coming back.
SPEAKER_01Well, you hey have you had a girl come up to you and like hit on you?
SPEAKER_02Long time ago.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, me too. Long time ago, yeah. There was uh It's few and far between, man.
SPEAKER_03I don't want them coming back. I I put out the energy right there, I'm taken.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Well, there are. I mean, yeah, but I was still putting out that energy.
ITE! That “I’m Taken Energy”
SPEAKER_03That's always that's always been my energy. I would say that's it.
SPEAKER_04Like usually when people are taken, it there's a confidence that that person exudes that actually makes people want them more. And so, but I do think it's less common for women to approach men. It's just always been that way. Yeah. Um, but I do try to remind people, you know, it's funny because even women that are very traditional online, they they tend to use those same principles as the way they move about in the world, translating that to their online dating behavior. And I have to remind them like, I get it, you want the guy to chase and you want to choose. That's fine. That dynamic is great if that's what you're seeking, but it doesn't apply on the internet. Like, if you don't send a message to so-and-so, they might not ever see you, right? And so it doesn't mean you're asking them on the date by swiping and saying hello and starting a conversation. And I think it's the same if someone were to walk up to you at a Whole Foods. It doesn't mean that, you know, if they say, Hey, I can't reach that thing on the top shelf, can you help me? They're not saying, like, what's your phone number? Can you take me out? And so I do work with a lot of women on approaching guys that they're interested in and just providing that opening to make it a little bit easier. It's like if you're interested back, you'll you'll run with it. Like that guy will figure out a way to continue the conversation, but there's nothing wrong with you going over and starting it. And so I'm trying to do what I can to send some goodwill out into the world with both genders in that regard.
Dating Psychology and claws out…
SPEAKER_01I like that we're getting into kind of the psychology and sociology of dating, really. Like, cause I I think, and and maybe this is a a question for you, JD, where men just seem oblivious when a woman is picking up on them in public. Uh, like absolutely oblivious. They're just like, oh, that that was a nice lady. She talked to me. And if a girl does that to me now, my wife is like claws out. She's like, I'm like, that girl is such a little bitch. She knows I'm your wife. I'm like, well, she was just being nice. She's like, no, no, she was she was flirting. Like touching her arm and stuff. And I'm like, I didn't even notice a bit. Like, is that common?
SPEAKER_03Is that that's so lucky. Because I think that's awesome. I think his wife is awesome. I don't want to, you know, you want to be fought for. Yeah, dude. You don't know she cares. Treat me like a piece of meat. Yeah. I'm sure those are like your funnest nights. All right, go ahead. Sorry, Judy.
SPEAKER_04No, you're fine. I was gonna say, I'm with his wife on this because like you've got a wedding ring on. So, you know, I feel like get stop touch touch don't touch my man's arm. That's my man's ar. I'm with her.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Oh no, I I'm the wedding ring wasn't on for a while, though.
SPEAKER_01It was on. I got a backup because I had to repair this. That's kidding. He did get a backup. I got a backup. I got a backup.
SPEAKER_03It was in the shop earlier.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So, anyways, yeah. I I'm are you kidding? I'm not allowed to leave the house for that.
SPEAKER_03We're definitely gonna have to edit that because I don't want you geeky knowing.
SPEAKER_01If she never saw a picture of me anywhere without my wedding ring on, she would probably beat my ass. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I'd probably get my ass beat just for it, just knowing about it. If you were to copy it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, I think the psychology and sociology of it is really interesting when you break it down to like what our kind of primal characters are between the typical male and female and and what our our roles, whether those are innate like psychological roles or those are more societally driven as the norms, um, and how those all all play out and and how we miss completely, I'm sure it's the same on on the women's side, but we miss completely certain cues because we're just not used to that being the norm.
SPEAKER_04No, I mean, I get I get what you're saying. I think there's the difference between because there are a lot of people that miss cues on a date, right? And so there's missing cues out in the wild, uh, you know, I'll say the movie theater instead of the grocery stores for variation, but you know, not everyone picks up on cues when someone's interested. But there's also plenty of people that, you know, because I'm hearing feedback from both sides of the date constantly for the last like decade plus. Um, it's a lot of data to work with here. So many times where the other person did not even realize that the other was interested because they're so bad at signaling interest. And so, and it often is the men that are not picking up on what the women think are cues. And so it's interesting when you unpack um with a woman in particular, you know, when you think that you're telling a guy you're interested or showing a guy you're interested, give me some examples of what you do. And the most common thing that women will answer is that, oh, like I'm really complimentary.
Dating Tips: Mama vs Mamacita
SPEAKER_04You know, I tell him how great his job is or whatever, like I act very impressed and I give compliments. And like, girl, you're his mother gives him compliments. Like guys, guys are yeah, guy, like there has to be, and I always tell them, I'm like, if you think you're flirting, if you think like these things are nice. I'm not saying don't do them, but if you think of signaling interest, whether it's like at the movie theater or on a date at a restaurant, if you want a guy to know you're interested, there are very like overt, more overt ways, you know, that also can protect them, um, where they're not like showing all their cards, but more overt than just doing something that um their mother would say or do. I'm like the litmus test has to be could his mother say or do this and it not be weird?
SPEAKER_01And that's if the answer is yes, you're not flirting.
SPEAKER_04That is not flirting. And so yeah, there's there's work to be had on both sides, right? Like, yeah, or guys obtuse and oblivious, and like, yeah, a lot of times, but also like we're not always doing um the things that make it more apparent. And so I do think it's important sometimes for us to help along the conversation in a way that at least you're not putting yourself out there a hundred percent and risking rejection. You're like, I'm gonna put myself out there because like she met me like 20% of the way. Like, I think she thinks I'm cute. Like she said this or did that, you know, she touched my arm. I think physically, um, and this is why your wife maybe gets upset, is like that is the biggest way to send a message to a guy that you find him attractive or that you're into him, is physical touch. And a lot of women are uncomfortable with physical touch. There's so many women that even if they like a guy, it's like too hard for them to physically touch a guy. It's like too unnatural in terms of the way they naturally express themselves and puts they feel like they're they're they're putting themselves out there too much. Um, and so I work with them on a more verbal flirting style. But um physical touch is the most overt way. And then there's things that you could say or do um in the verbal side of things that you could differentiate yourself from his mother and still make it clear you're interested, but not go so as as far as to do the like Paris Hilton, like that's hot, he's hot, whatever. Like that's too much, right? I think I think. Yeah. So there's a happy medium, and so that's like a big part of what I do in coaching sessions with people as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you want you want to maintain some element of classiness, I'm sure. That's yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, so I I did have another question because I I do want to get into kind of your personal match made in heaven that you have, but before that, uh so we so in in the case of um having a pool of of and still talking heterosexual here, men and women, is there a difference? Like, do you have a uh uh you know database of women that are kind of looking and they don't pay for the service, and then the men are the ones that are kind of pursuing that? Is that kind of more the common approach?
SPEAKER_04Okay, so I actually I have to spend a little time discussing this because I used to give a very canned response, and it seems that I I posted a clip answering this very question recently um from a podcast I was on over the weekend. They were I released some clips from it. It upset a lot of people. It has like a quarter of a million views, and people are chiming in about my business model and saying insane things about like it's turned into I want to be respectful and not refer to it as the incel community, but I feel like they call themselves that. So I guess that's okay. Yeah, I mean, but like it has incurred the wrath of that community, my business model, which is so interesting, and I would love your perspective on as two men.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um, not from that community. Yeah, right. I men not from that community.
SPEAKER_03Is this really the end? Unbelievable. Find out next week.